The Gift of Depression
If you have ever dealt with depression you may be questioning my choice of titles and maybe even my sanity right about now. Let me explain myself. I'll start by saying I have dealt with depression my whole life. There was a time, not so may years ago, when I would not admit I suffered with depression, to myself and especially to a physician. I didn't want them to ignore my pain symptoms and put me on an anti depressant. I had been down that road and didn't feel it was a long term solution.
When I was a little girl I would go through stages of staying inside watching TV, eating junk food, and feeling quite lonely. One day my Great Grandmother, who was staying with us for a visit, told me to come take a walk. She talked to me about being depressed. It was the first time anyone ever noticed I was depressed and told me what I was doing to contribute to my condition. She told me she too would get depressed if she sat inside all day watching TV alone and eating junk. She said when you are sad you need to force yourself to go outside, take a walk, and think about why you are depressed. Such wisdom she imparted on me. I listened to her. I started doing exercise tapes on T.V. instead of watching soap operas. I started feeling good about myself which made me likable so I attracted positive people into my life. My depression became the reason I changed for the better, it was a gift.
This way of snapping out of depression helped propel me through times of grief and loss for many years. UNTIL, in my late 20's, early 30's I forgot the lesson. My hormones and undiagnosed thyroid issues added a whole new dimension to my depression. I was not in control of snapping out of it. I felt hopeless. Looking back now I realize my medical condition played a huge role in why I was unable to fix things myself. I needed help. It was the year of a major car accident, radical ear surgery after antibiotics and steroids followed up by a miscarriage. Not to mention self soothing with food, (Krispy cream donuts had just hit Louisiana!) I was so angry. I had the "woe is me" syndrome bad. I wanted other people to change. I wanted them to acknowledge their wrong doing. I needed to blame someone or something for my condition. The last person I thought needed to take responsibility was me.
Looking back now, I realize those "perfect storm" of events were huge hammers hitting me over the head telling me something had to change. I wasn't getting it. So many times I'd run to the Doctor to fix me when I had all the tools necessary to fix myself. I sought out answers in the form of antidepressants, anti inflammatories, pain relievers, diagnosis to warrant my condition and give me excuses. Excuses not to change my circumstances. Excuses not to snap out of it.
Had I realized then that depression was the gift telling me something in my life was out of balance and needed to be changed maybe I wouldn't have needed so many hammers to hit me over the head. The hammers kept coming. The biggest being diagnosed with MS. It didn't happen overnight. It didn't take one "ah-ha" moment. It's taken many Biofeedback sessions to get me to realize I am in charge of my pain, my depression, my happiness. I can snap out of it because now I see it as a gift that's telling me something needs to change. My food, my friends, relationships, environment, my attitude. Something is unbalanced and by being in tune with my body I can snap out of it and change my circumstances.
If you feel hopeless, depressed and can't find a way to snap out of it, let me help you learn the gift of depression. Together we can find the balance your body and mind are searching for.